Tips for Avoiding Conflict During Divorce

If you and your spouse have decided to file for divorce, you should do your best to minimize conflict during the divorce process, especially if children are involved.  Countless studies have shown that when parents fight and argue during a divorce, it often has a negative effect on the children, ultimately affecting their general well-being.  While it may be difficult to put aside any negative feelings you hold toward your spouse, there are several things you can do to minimize conflict.  Below is a list of helpful tips on how to prevent and deal with conflict during a divorce:

• It takes two people to argue.  If you find your spouse trying to pick a fight with you, resist the urge to get involved.
• Going through a divorce is difficult, and tension will rise throughout the divorce process.  You and your spouse will have to have difficult discussions, but do so away from your children where they cannot hear you or see that you’re upset.
• Determine what goals you wish to achieve during the divorce and stick to them.  When you know what you wish to achieve, you may be more open to hearing other solutions or options for achieving those goals than what you initially had in mind.
• Write down a list of things you want to discuss. Make sure you stick to that list and make your sure your wants, needs, and concerns known and heard.
• Try to keep an open mind to your spouse’s point of view. Even if you may not agree with it, showing that you are listening to what he or she has to say can minimize conflict and reduce your chances of a fight.
• Don’t be too accusatory. Saying “you did this” and “you did that” is not productive. Instead, use “I” phrases.  For example, instead of saying, “You were never home and you never helped me with the children,” you could say, “I know you care about the children and have been working hard to provide for the family, but it was difficult for me to be alone all the time.” When people feel they are being blamed or attacked, they are more likely to fire back and get argumentative.
• If you have concerns about an issue, wait to discuss it at a time when neither of you are tired, angry, or when the children are around.
• Be open to saying “I’m sorry,” “I was wrong,” “I understand what you’re saying.”  Even if you are angry or upset, these kinds of statements can really go a long way.
• Pick your battles and don’t make petty jabs.  The more often you take the high road, the less conflict you’ll ultimately experience. And you’ll be a better person for it.  Plus, it is better to save your energy for the issues that really matter to you.
• Stay focused on your children and remember to remind yourself what is best for them.  Often times, couples get so wrapped up in the divorce and the fighting and the arguing that they forget there are children involved. You need to think about and fight for what is best for your children.

If you are considering filing for divorce, please do not hesitate to fill out a free case evaluation or contact the law office of Riverside divorce lawyer Michael R. Young today for experienced guidance and dedicated legal counsel!