There is no way to tell whether someone is abusive or violent while behind the comfort of closed doors. People you think would never hit a woman, harm a child, or manipulate a loved one are usually very good at masking their true colors. In front of others, these people often come off fun, outgoing, and very friendly. Little do you know they actually turn into monsters as soon as they come home at night. 

While there is no way to tell for certain whether someone is abusive, the following signs may indicate there's a potential for violence or abuse:

• They have a quick temper and tend to overreact about little things
• They often use force, violence or harsh words to solve their problems
• They are cruel to animals
• The punch walls or hit things when they are upset
• They abuse drugs and/or alcohol
• The tend to get jealous very easily
• They tend to be overly controlling
• They are very demanding and hold high expectations over their loved ones
• They are very forceful
• They have two distinct personalities. Sometimes they are super friend, other times they are so mean and angry it’s frightening
• They often talk about “getting even”
• They grew up in a family affected by domestic violence
• People act afraid when they become angry
• People avoid making the person mad at all costs
• People are always trying to placate the person
• They have access to guns or weapons

If you notice these signs or this type of behavior, do not rush out and accuse the person of domestic violence. Instead, reach out to the person and ask if they are okay and if everything is alright at home. It’s very likely that if the person is abusive they will not admit to it, and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it. But if for some reason the opportunity arises where you do learn violence is occurring in the home, there are ways you can help.

Michael R. Young is a  Riverside domestic violence lawyer who has years of experience helping victims of violence and abuse. If you suspect a friend or loved one is being abused, Mr. Young can provide you with information and resources you can pass on, such as therapists your friend can talk to or how a victim can file for a restraining order.